Saturday, November 6, 2010

Stress and no rest because I miss you

=( babe,

This has been the worst week I have had in so long.  I wanted nothing  more then talk to you. I have never missed you so much.  This week has been my hell, been trying so hard to deal with my loneliness but what ever I do doesn't work.  I was so bummed out even before you left and it only got worse when I didn't get the chance to say good bye before you bored your flight. I wanted to tell you to have fun and take pictures so it felt like I was there with you.  I tried calling you over 20 times before your plane took off but I guess you had to turn off your phone.   I was really angry at myself the whole night because I told myself to give you 5 more minutes so you don't get bothered when you were in customs.  But I hope your at least having fun right now so one of us can be smiling.  I know you want to travel the world like me so I hope your trip is full of smiles and laughs, but at the same time I can't stop wishing you were here with me. It's really hard to get though a day with out you, so I did a lot of things we loved to do to try to bring some happy memories.  

Like yesterday after class I went to Popeyes because I loved eating the mash potatoes with you. I remember they use to be your favorite.  That was the only time I smiled yesterday because I kept thinking about us walking around and stopping by a fast food place to get mash or  a small bite to eat before dinner.  I remembered you giving me a bite and eating the rest for yourself. I always wanted another bite, but I was so happy to see you smile I thought it was better that you smiled.  
It's crawfish (their like mini lobsters).  Mash potatoes our favorite, and one of the best biscuits in the world.  It was buttered so well it had the perfect amount of heat coming out of it. It was so moist and just melted in your mouth.
Your favorite mash.
That was nothing compared to today at work I was the only one most busy I ever was. But nothing helped no matter what I did I couldn't stop thinking about you.  I had to install computers with the two screens.  
this is two monitors hooked up to one desktop.  Do you see the pictures, I really think it is cute.  Our blogs look really cute side by side.  I really want to get make you a dual screen computer when you get back so you can edit pictures on one screen and talk to me in a another screen.
I am learning as much as I can because I never want to not be able to fix your computer again, like when your audio card wasn't working on your computer, I figured out why too right now.   But the guys at work are teaching me how to make a computer from nothing, so when you come back I will make you your own person computer for photo shopping and you can drag from one side of the screen to the other.
----------------------sorry I fell asleep here-------------------------------

Omg I just missed your FB F@*$ !!!!!! =(
I tried to spend time with Raph this week to try to cheer me up but I was still so sad.  But I am happy because he tried really hard to make me smile.  He is a good older brother and sister even though they not my real ones they really takes care of me.  I hope you can meet him for real this time.  I'm happy for him because  on Friday he finally got a date.  Soooo cool right, I'm really happy for him because his last girlfriend really hurt him and he was so scared to date for so long.  I'm so lucky I have you.  They said I look so sad this week but I try really hard to cheer up so you won't be angry at me for always being sad when I  am with them. 

So yesterday (Friday) I hit the lowest point of my days without you. I was so sad almost to the point where I felt like I couldn't make the day without you at all. I tried so hard to cheer up but it really is hard to go without talking to you.  So I got out of work around 5 and I sad with Raph till 9.30 and we went to the cafeteria for free food so I wouldn't have to pay for dinner.  I trying really hard to save every penny now that your gone.
After I started to feel like shit you where gone so I walked with Raph and we walked my sister home to 65th street and then he took the train to go on his date so he left at 65th and 6th ave to go find a train.  So I walked to 1st ave with her because she lives on 65th and 1st.  We talked a lot about you because she knew that is why I was so sad.  Talking to her was so great because she listen to why I'm sad.  I learned from that talk how much I care and love you how I miss you so much.  I told her things like no matter what I did I had no pleasure in doing anything because you weren't here to enjoy it with me.  I was so sad with out you.  I walked so much about the things we did.  Like how when you where here I was the happiest person ever and all those wonderful days we had I took for granted because I didn't try hard enough to show you how much I loved you.  But I knew how much I loved you and I came to the realization that my favorite days were the days we did nothing but relax watch tv at my house and sleep.  I know it probably shouldn't be my most favorite thing, but I love it.  I told her it was like we were married and it was perfect because we were doing noting and I was so happy.  At that moment it was when I knew I won't stop fighting for you ever no matter what happens I will always be there to love you. I was happiest w because you were with me.  I was happy when I could hold you every night.  I was happy when we were watching the chick flick movies because to me our relationship is one and I like to think we will end up together like at the end of the movies.  I loved cooking for you, my favorite thing I did for you, because you really enjoyed when I did that for you.

After she went home I was super sad because I missed you 10x more so I took a long long walk home, I thought I would cheer up if I walked home and tried to relax and think about you and when we use to walk everywhere.  I walked all the way from 9th to 1st ave first and I found so many restaurants I want to take you to with not to expensive menu.
 Then I waked from 65th&1st-38th&1st street on this wrote I saw not much cool things I took a couple pictures.
 Flower store first thing I was and I really wanted to take a picture, the display was so beautiful and I took a picture of this one because of the stupid flowers I bought you last year for valentines and you kept making fun of me.

This is the trump tower don't know why I took a picture of this it was there I guess and I remember you went to the trump tower for dinner with one of your friends last year for restaurant week. So I think thats why I took a picture sorry none of my shots came out nice.  

Heres the UN, when I was walking past it, I kept thinking how the world is not separated and we were all connected and it made me feel closer to you.  I know it stupid.  I walked to 38th and then I walk a way I never did in my life by myself.  I walked a crossed the highway (theres a path) to get to the river by my house.  We have to walk from 38th there are so many pretty things.  
 Walked under a bridge to get to a river, it was the one bight place I walked to my hole walk it was like that light of hope in darkness for me.  I wanted to stay in herebut it was probably dangerous so I had to leave.
Here I took a picture of the bridge when I reached the river.  I thought NY was the most beautiful at night because the lights are of NY's hidden gem.  It's breath taking when you look far.
Its a cheap boat ride we are going when you get back.
 Do you remember here?  I'll give you a hint February 7th.  It was a date before we became official.  It was our restaurant week date.  This is by the water club, you remember I gave you a piggy back ride here because you were so cold so I gave you the ride so you can get warm when you hugged me when we walked.
 Heres the room we ate in, This was my favorite date we had becuase it went more than perfect.  And it was so special for me because you told me you started to like me more on our date and I smiled so when you said that.  And when I gave you the piggy back ride I prayed I could keep you on my back forever because it felt like I could protect you from anything.
The restaurant, you remember that you didn't want to go because you thought that we would have another bad meal like lunch and waste money also we were gonna miss our reservation anyways because we felt it was too far. But I knew you would love it so I convinced you to go, even thought that date was so expensive, I was happy for every penny I spent that day it was worth it from the bad lunch the great movies to one of my favorite dinner memories. 
Just looked real pretty.
Can't see it but a guy came up to me and asked me why I was taking pictures.  I told him to show my girlfriend how lonely I was, he asked me o take a picture of him so I thought it was funny so here he is was really nice and funny.  
Remember this bench we took pictures right here we had so much fun that day.  That was the day you came over so we walked and I spent time with you until you had to go to your dinner with all your friends.  

This day lol.

So thats what I did my past two days with out you and I am so lonely without you, I wish you where here with me so bad.  I guess I been feeling really down because you always promised me that you come back and every month you puss it further.  I think that why I am so sad.  I wanted to send everyday with you and it so hard for me to keep going days with out you.  And it hurts when your not really coming back on the days we talked about. So promise me this time you will definitely come back in February.  So I can take you to all the places I waled past, So I can give you a piggy back ride when your tired.  So I can spend days doing nothing but relaxing at home without(this is how I know we be a happy couple if we got married). I miss you so much and I want you here more than anything.  I am trying to show you I will do anything to take care of you, so even thought you don't gamble bet on me and I'll make sure you will win big.

I love you so much babe,
A lonely old Astroboy 

P.S. I hope its fun down there, Cause you have to go back with me. Miss me a lot ok, when we go back I'll make you shop until I have no more money left so I can see you smile so big.  Sorry I miss you message on FB. Sorry I didn't update blog sooner I wanted to have a really long one ready, but heres to just in care you come back for a check. ^^

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