Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dear Kirby,

Sorry I made so many mistakes today like not supporting you, then that talk about the bad thing, and not calling you at 10.30 like I said I would (I do have an excuse but I won't give it, because I should have let you known and I am sorry). I am happy you found the shoes you like, I been looking to replace the pair you love so much because you said you couldn't find any.  I wasn't angry at you for spending money, promise I wasn't.   I am worried you won't have the money to go on the Thailand trip that you want to go on so bad.  I know you want to go with your friends, so I wanted try to convince you to save your money.  Your old enough and I should tell you things like this, I am sorry for that babe.  I should have more trust in you and it wasn't fair of me. I don't want to be that person you get angry at all the time for, I want to be that person you can smile with everyday.I should have been more understanding because you felt bad about spending the money already and I made you feel worse.  I am sorry for ruining your happy moment.  I wish I wasn't such a dumb ass and would have realized how you wanted to me to smile for you then.It is hard to break that habit and you are trying i know you are.  But to be honest with you, I hate how you found a new place, not because you will buy more things.  I hate it because its another reason for you to stay, another reason I might not have the chance to spend Christmas with you.  Each time you find a thing to love in Malaysia I am more scared that I might lose you for a longer time.

 Today when you told me the bad news.  I knew before you would say it, I was just hoping  it wasn't true.  It really scares me a lot how much your dad won't let you leave.  I tried to give you reasons but they weren't good enough, I know it but I am desperate.  I just wanted you to understand that I wouldn't let anything happen to you.  I promised you I would always be able to take care of you.  I promised I would never rely on anyone but us, I know I have nothing to show for it and it sucks.  I know the only way for you to believe me is to show you, but I'm scared no matter how hard I try you won't have faith I could do those things for you that why I kept telling you those dumb things. I know I didn't start to work and we need the money. But I am happy because I get to spend more time with you. But your right I need to start working soon and I will go and talk to him If no one calls me next week.  Please just have faith in me, I promise you your dad won't hate me. Have faith in me even though my future is uncertain.  I know your sister and her husband had it tough, but I won't let us have that same fate.  Understand that they are different people than we are and they were under different pressures.  I might be in college now, but I promise you I will get a job that pays well and you won't need to worry ever about money.  I promise you I will be able to make you smile and you can shop all you want.  And I shouldn't have said that you need a man who makes good money today, because I know you think it means that you love money. But I wasn't trying to say that, I want to say it like I can be that man, I want to be the one to take care of you; always, so that you never have to worry about anything. I know I can always be there for you, your dreams are my dreams and I will make all of them come true.  So even if your dad won't let you come back, just let me bring you back for a little like I promised you and let me show you I can take care of you and you won't ever have to worry about money. ^^

Please believe in me, no matter how hard it gets I'll always be there.  I'll always watch over you, i will always protect you, and I'll always do my best to give you everything so I can see you smile.  So let this dumb dumb know if hes being a jerk and curse him out for it.  So I know I'm not good enough yet, but put all your faith in me, I won't let you down,  I promise.  I'll stay by your side like gum, because I'm so sticky haha I will never unstick from you no matter how many time you try to wash me away I'll be there stuck on to you ^^.

Love Always,

P.S. I missed you a lot today.

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