Thursday, September 9, 2010

My first real letter to you

Dear Kirby,

This past week hasn't been our best week, has it? We went through a lot and yesterday especially was something we haven't been through in awhile.  We had a small disagreement and I understand it wasn't the happiest moment in our relationship, but it seems like it has really affected the way you think about what we will become.  And I am begging you not to think that way, the good in our relationship, out weights the bad and to me it means that we have something worth fighting for.  I know that long distance relationships are hard to deal with and your scared of getting hurt.  But you know me we enough to know that I won't hurt you, and you know that I have worked so hard just to get you back here with me.  I know you area a simple girl, who just wants to settle for the ok.  I understand that, it is safe and you know you won't get hurt.  What is hard is knowing that I am only 20 and still in college, and because of this i can't support you the way you want, I can't give you your own room yet, I can't give you everything you want.  But you know its only going to be like this for a short time.  We both know that.  When we were talking today you said that you were to old to go back to school, but I completely disagree (not for my selfish reasons).  But I think right now would be the best time to return to school now because you just stop becoming a student so you have many of your school habits still.  Currently your working for your brother, I know you enjoy being with your family but think about it you can even go to school and learn how to improve your business.  I know my baby the best and I know she doesn't want to work in a stressful environment where people back stab one another.  I no way am I pushing you towards that idea.  I know it would make you unhappy and I never want that for you.  All I am asking of you is to try something, even if you don't know what you want to do.  I know this letter is probably not going to motivate you in anyway possible.  But I just want to get my feels out to you.
I think it is way to early to end our relationship, we had to minor disagreements and we can't let it stop us ok.  You know how this would affect me if anything happened to us babe.  I'm not even close to ready to start talking about these dumb things.  Don't feel bad because I am always sacrificing things, I do it because I want to.  I want to do all these things to show you I am that guy you can spend the rest of our life with.  I know moving here can be a scary thought because your friends and family will not be here.  I know that eventually a good portion of them will graduate and move.  But please don't say you don't want to come back because of that love.  I know you want to be with your friends and family and who wouldn't.  You know I have told you over and over, but I would gladly try moving to Asia if you weren't happy here.  I am trying so hard to show you what I would do for you, I try to convince you with everything I have and I am trying everyday.  Everyday I try to stay up as long as possible and wake up as early as possible so that we can spend at least 6 hours a day.  I know you probably don't love me, but I am asking you to try to put your heart into this relationship and I promise you I won't hurt you.  I promise you I will not let you get hurt once or feel bad about yourself.  I will shoulder all the pain or troubles, because that is what someone does for the person they love.  They sacrifice and the give until they have nothing left to give.  I am not asking much from you except for trusting in us.  That is all I ever wanted.  I know you don't want me to work so hard for you but let me please, I know it makes you feel bad.  But that's not my intention, I just know your not ready to love me yet so I have to do the work to convince you that we can have a great future together.  There will be many tough times ahead of us, but we can't give up, ok =).  I know it is the easy way out, but the this that are difficult are things worth fighting for.  Please Please Please don't say those words again ok?  I know your scared of the future, I am too love, but I know if its with you all this work now will be worth it. So let me apologize again for ever putting doubt in your mind I want you to erase it ok.  Lets start fresh and work together for a happy future.  I know your not sure, but let me bring you back for your birthday as planned and we will disgust this when I am holding you, having dinner at our favorite places or walking down our favorite streets. I  have been looking forward to you return and I know all your friends are too so just have faith in me a little longer and I won't disappoint you=). I intent to marry you (YEA I SAID IT HAHAHAHA) so give me the chance to show you how much I care, and I know its going to bother you because you will say ohhh but I feel like I am not doing enough.  You know what I say whoooooooo careessssssssssss, =) when your ready you will do those things.  I know you will because when you are here you put me over your friends I know you did, I saw it 1000x of times.  So let this be my reply to your sacrifice ok and I will tell you I going work harderhaha.  So when it's your turn again you will say wow I can't beat that because no one has ever loved anyone so much. 

Love you more than ever,
Chin Fong

P.S. I know I get repetitive when it comes to expressing my feelings and I ask of you to please bare with me.  And wtfffff your post sucked today hahaahahahaha take it down please it hurts me when I read it.  And omg I thought we ended happy last night haha, I thought it was going to be a happy post not some mean one lol =P.

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