Thursday, September 9, 2010


I'm sorry for my comment today. I didn't mean it like that.  I never think before acting and honestly, I should have.  I should have understood what I said could have been hurtful and what I said could have made us more distant. But I'm here asking you to please forgive me.  I know I have to stop getting jealous and stop feeling like I'm never your priority. When I told you "I love you for who you are" and I really do, and I am sorry I reacted in this unprofessional or what I would like to call "a jerk".  I have always known you can't change a person for who they really are. I shouldn't be selfish and try to to keep you for myself every single minute we are wake, its unfair and I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.  I know I rush things to quickly and I should stop doing this because it does make you feel uncomfortable.  I have to understand that your not ready to say I love you back at this moment and I have to be patient.  I will be I swear.  So forgive me for being a jerk and reacting immature, sometimes I want something so bad I dream to big and I just get lost in it.  You know my dream and I understand we are still to young and we are way to young to be deciding these things.  But its those ideas that make me realize how important you are to me and losing you is the scariest thing that could ever happen to me.  But I mean it when I say I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to travel the world with you, I want to meet you family and see them as much as possible, and I really want to make money so that we can open that cute cafe we always talk about.  I want all these things I know its a lot and it might seem impossible but if you don't dream big you will never make it big.  And I promised you so much I need to make it big for every single thing we talked about.  I know you don't want to be rich you told me so many times, you don't want it to change who you are.  I won't let it happen and you know you don't want that to become a reality you have to keep reminding yourself who you are.  I would never let money change who we are, we were both raised better than that.  Please forgive ok babe for trying to change you, it was wrong of me.  I know I shouldn't ask you to talk to me more, or to come back with me and live (when I can't even support myself), or to go to school.  I understand your not ready to decide on a life or to decide on what you want to do or be.  Let me help you though I am not saying we have to do it now.  All I want to do for you is to be there every step of the way. I told you a million times I want to be your future and you might not be ready, but let me show you I can be.  I am doing everything I can when it comes to school, jobs, and everything else.  But what is most important is letting me show you I care enough that I want to help you create your own future.  I think me showing you I care about you was always the key thing on how I can be a good boyfriend or maybe in the future a husband.  I will step back more and give you more space but all I ask of you in return is to trust me.  I asked you a million times and you have been slowly allowing that feeling.  But you know you don't fully.  I am aware most of your family probably doesn't like me or will ever come to like me because I would be the reason you leave Malaysia. I am ready to accept that burden, but no matter how much they hate more or how many bad things they say about me I will always find away for you to spend time with them no matter what.  You know I care about your family a lot.  I am going to change more for you ok, I promise you I will be more mature and smarter when it comes to saying how I feel.  I know your feeling lonely and need to talk to other people other than me.  I know and I won't stop you ever from that.  I just want to know once in a while that I am good to you without asking or you like me or love.  I need those small words sometimes because it is all I have to keep moving forward here.  You know your always number one to me and I will put you before anyone and anything and I mean it when I say that.  So just try once in awhile to understand how much I am doing for you and how bad I am suffering right now without you.

Your sorry babe

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